


So Illegal

by WaterandWin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-01
Updated: 2011-08-01
Packaged: 2017-10-22 02:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/232593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterandWin/pseuds/WaterandWin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Tavros break the law and get away with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Illegal

**Author's Note:**

> For Kinkmeme:
> 
>  _Okay, so, I realize this is kind of super ridiculous, but I thought it would be hilarious if someone wrote a fic based on this: http://bash.org/?790133_

“Oh, uhh, I don’t know if we should be doing this...” Tavros trailed off, rubbing his hands together nervously like he’d been doing for the past hour as he watched Dave finish rolling up the joint by the frail carlight. The human looked up at him with a cocked eyebrow and fished a lighter out of his pocket.

“If it’s not, uhh, too late to, uhh, turn back, that is...”

Dave didn’t even justify that with an answer as he tried to get the blunt to catch. He didn’t really need to, since Tavros had realized it was a pretty stupid question as it was half-way out his mouth. A good time to turn back would have been when Dave found him in the common room in their dorm and asked him if he wanted to come chill out since the sock on his doorknob wasn’t going to fuck off any time soon. A good time to turn back would have been when Dave revealed the bag he found under his roommate’s bed which he had since stashed in his car because that shit would get him in some serious shit if the RAs found it there. A good time to turn back would have been sometime in the half hour they spent driving around the crappy campus town looking for a place where they wouldn’t get caught as Tavros tried to stutter all the marijuana use and possession laws that he’d heard Gamzee talk about sometimes. A good time to turn back might even have been when they finally found that shitty parking lot behind the shittier burger joint! But now, now when the car was filling up with a stickly bittersweet smoke and Dave was holding the blunt out to him, now was not a good time.

Tavros took it with shaking fingers and looked back at the cool kid sitting behind the wheel. There was no expression there. None. He couldn’t even judge the intensity of his stare from behind the rounded shades, not that he was even very good at reading that kind of thing. He glanced back at the joint in his hand and took a deep breath.

“You’re supposed to put it in your mouth first,” Dave pointed out.

“Uh, haha, I knew that,” Tavros forced a smile. His mouth was a desert as he slowly, slowly lifted it to his lips. Just as he was about to put it on his mouth though, Dave snatched it from him with unexpected speed and slammed the glowing end into the dashboard. Tavros opened his mouth to question, but another hand clapped over his mouth. The troll looked at Dave twisted around in his seat and followed his line of sight to...

Oh no.

The cop car pulled into the lot and made right for them, only to drive right past. As it came near, Dave slid lower in his seat and yanked Tavros lower by the horns. As the car turned the corner, the human made hurried motions with his hands, pointing from the bag of pot to the glove compartment. Tavros looked at him, utterly confused. He could almost feel the cool kid’s gaze on him intensity before he went and stuffed all the contraband into the compartment himself, shoving the troll’s knees out of the way roughly to open it.

Even though the weed was out of sight, the smell still hung in the air which would have been all well and good if the cop hadn’t decided to park behind Dave’s car after circling the lot and getting out.

“Oh no!” Tavros muttered under his breath. “Oh no oh no oh no! We’re going to get caught! We’re going to get arrested! We’re going to get expelled! Your bro is going to kill us! What do we do?”

Dave on the other hand remained completely calm. He checked at the approaching cop over his shoulder and spun back around in his seat. Tavros could have sworn he saw him glance over at him from behind his lenses before the human began to remove his shirt with no warning.

“Wha-what are you doing?”

“No words now,” Dave hissed as he discarded his shirt in the back seat and with grace Tavros didn’t think anyone could possess, climbed over the gearshift into the troll’s lap, and pulled a lever on the side that caused the back of the seat to fly backward and Tavros with it.

“Uhh...” was all he could manage before Dave catchalogued his hands to the Tavros’s pants fetch modus. The troll’s face instantly went brown, and then a shade browner a second later when he heard the knock on the window.

Dave, as calm as if he were on his way to buy milk and not fondling an alien in a car that smelled like pot in a empty parking lot at midnight, leaned over and rolled down the window one-handed. His other hand gave an uncomfortably tight squeeze to Tavros’s bone bulge, causing him to gasp and grip the armrests.

The reaction was well-timed. The cop just sort of stared at them both, and Dave stared back while Tavros avoided any and all eye contact with either of them. The fact that he was a troll was naturally ignored, as the party had discovered not long after the sixteen of them had been dumped back on a sburb-less earth that John, Dave, Rose, Jade, and their mysteriously revived guardians were the only humans who could see the grey skin, yellow eyes, horns, and occasional facial fins.

“Can I help you, officer?” Dave asked with the perfect touch of sarcasm in his voice.

“Oh, no,” the police officer stuttered, his face gradually catching up to a shade of red fit to match Tavros’s brown. “You kids be good now.” Then with speed that might just make Dave jealous, he hurried back to his car. No comment on the smell; he was just out of there before Tavros could find his voice again, and even when he did, he didn’t have anything to say. Neither did Dave, who got off him as nonchalantly as he got on but with a bit more color in his face, and they drove back to the campus without a word.

The incident had not been mentioned since.


End file.
